she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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