Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
