i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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