she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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