just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
