I hate all girls vehemently.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
