i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
