And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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