Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
