New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
