All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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