If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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