then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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