YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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