Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
