Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
