Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
