I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
