dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
