I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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