remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
