I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
