I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
