I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
