woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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