turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
