I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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