I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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