he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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