I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
