I swear she didn't look like that last week.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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