i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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