I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
