Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
