A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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