I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
