She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
