There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
