i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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