I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
