I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
