Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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