I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
