How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I understand Curling. That high.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
