when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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