Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
