she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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