Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
