some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
