I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
