The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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