just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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