so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
