All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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