FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
